Hi Tina, I wonder if you can help? My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. We're both in college and live together.
I care about him very much but lately I've noticed that we really don't have much in common. We can never decide on something to do that we would both enjoy, this ranges from home to dates and holidays to what we eat.
If it's something I want to do, he doesn't have a good time and even though I try to have a good time when I'm out with him, he ends up bad tempered or sad and wants to go home.
The only thing we do together which we seem to enjoy is sex and I worry that in time we will lose interest in that too and have nothing left.
I don't want to break up because I worry I won't find anyone I feel this way about again, can you help please?
Tina's response:
Well it looks like you're down to only the sexual side of your relationship being good. Basically all other aspects of your relationship have run their course and he's no fun anymore and I'm guessing in this scenario, neither are you.
Some couples never lose their sexual attraction but even these fortunate couples need to find a way to get along and keep each other amused the other 23 hours of the day so they can enjoy the fullness of a well balanced relationship.
Couples must embrace, or at least pleasantly tolerate one another's friendships and interests and also develop shared interests. If after three years you don't have this compatibility, it's extremely unlikely you'll develop it now and this whole partnership is a BTN (better than nothing) romance and you both need to move on amicably.
Sexual heat is wonderful I know, but it's not as rare as you seem to think. There are lots of interesting guys out there and, even the ones that don't seem so interesting when you first encounter them, usually spring to life when they meet the right woman.
You say you're in college, I would have thought that would be a most wonderful hunting ground for a new lover. We are heading into one of the easiest times of the year to connect with someone new, Halloween, Christmas and New Year.
Most people of your age are in party mode looking for a good time so, go out with your girlfriends and start scouting for new talent although it may be kinder to release your present partner first.
Who knows, maybe the thought of losing you will shock him into shape and if it doesn't, you'll know you made the right decision in leaving.
Another thought, at the beginning of a relationship both sides tend to try harder to impress, so even if your next relationship crashes and burns after some time, at least you will have had some fun rather than just staying in the predicament you're in now which sounds soul destroying.
I suggest that the next time you contemplate a long term relationship, you should look for friendship and compatibility rather than settling for sexual attraction alone.
Nice as it sounds, you have to get out of bed sometime and it would be nice to be able to have an interesting conversation from time to time otherwise you're just back to square one again.
Remember, all partnerships have to be worked at whether in business or romance and, as my lovely mother used to say…it's not 50/50, it's 100% on both sides.
If you have a problem and you want Tina's advice, email: asktinak@gmail.com.
