Hi Tina, I'm a 57-year-old lady and have fallen in love for the very first time in my life despite having been married for 32 years.
My husband died three years ago and although he was a kind and caring man, I never loved him. I reached that age in life where I just felt it was the right thing to do, daily life had become quite monotonous, just work and home, and so when he asked me I said yes.
We never had children, we did try and had all the tests but it just wasn't to be so I was left on my own when he died. In my teens and twenties, I dated quite a few boys and men.
Some lasted, some didn't. Some I had sex with, not all were great but as I wasn't hankering for a lost love from the past, it didn't seem to matter.
At the end of last summer, I met a very nice man while walking on Dun Laoghaire Pier and over the last few months we have met up, gone out to dinner, and had sex…it was terrific.
He was in a relationship when I first met him and started dating him which I know is wrong but it was all quite exciting knowing someone else was interested in him.
Anyway, that relationship ended when she found out about me through her friend. It wasn't a very happy ending with a lot of accusations being fired backwards and forward but anyway, she finally left.
I know I may sound quite callous but I just felt after all the years of emptiness it was my turn to experience love and excitement.
I do feel sorry for her but clearly, if his head could be turned so easily, she was not for him. I don't know why but part of me feels guilty about my dead husband, in a weird way I feel I'm betraying him because I'm so happy. Is this normal?
Tina's response:
It's quite normal to feel a little guilty when your partner passes and you start dating someone else for the first time, especially if you feel so much more for the new person than you did for your dead husband.
In fact, talking about guilt, I was only having a conversation with a friend the other day and suggesting that now she's retired, she should adopt a dog for company as she lives on her own and would have the time now.
She said that would be quite impossible because she would feel guilty for her dog who passed away 25 years ago who she loved so much… now there's guilt.
You weren't madly in love with your husband so I certainly wouldn't expect you to feel overcome with guilt. I can only put it down to the fact that you're so happy with this new guy and, looking back on your marriage, you're surprised how empty it was in comparison.
Not dating this man is not going to bring your husband back and in fact, in all honesty, would you really want him back now that you have discovered true love?
If you gave this guy up you would probably feel very lonely for no good reason at all. I think it's lovely that after all these years you have finally found true love, lucky you.
Embrace it and make the very most of it, if you don't some other lady certainly will and while you're at it, keep a close eye on him without being controlling, remember how you got him!
If you have a problem you want Tina's advice by emailing asktinak@gmail.com
