When Dublin mum Céilí Flood lost her brother-in-law to suicide, she was already struggling herself with postnatal depression and was forced to push through the stigma as she came to terms with her grief.
Two years later, after a 12-week counselling course changed her life, she established her jewellery business, Little Light, creating pieces designed to be gifted and cherished.
‘I’ve always had a love for jewellery. Not jewellery as a fashion statement but for the sentiment behind the piece’, says Céilí.
Each item is accompanied by a poem written by Céilí herself, a practice started by her sister Fiona when her husband, Keith, died by suicide in 2020.
‘Fiona channelled her grief through poetry,’ says Céilí. 'She wouldn’t speak, she rarely cried around people. Then, she’d just send us this poem and it was gut-wrenching.’
Céilí’s jewellery is categorised by different themes. Among them are grief, resilience and self-love. Each poem emulates her experience and the most moving words are written in the early hours of the morning, she says.
‘I’ve tried to touch on every aspect of life because it’s so up and down. There can be darkness but there is also a lot of light. It started with grief. Mental health is central to our brand because that’s where I came from.’
Keith, a best friend to Céilí and a soulmate to her sister Fiona, was struggling silently with mental illness. When they realised what had happened, says Céilí, it was like a bomb went off in their lives.
‘I will never forget it,’ she says. ‘My sister and I were driving around looking for him because she knew something was wrong. He was supposed to be at work but every single morning he sent her a text, something like ‘I love you, enjoy work’, and she didn’t get one that day.
‘I drove up to their door and saw ten guards outside. Fiona immediately said “he’s gone”. I thought maybe he was in hospital but she told me “Céilí, they don’t send ten guards to tell you he’s in hospital.”’
After Keith’s death, Céilí and Fiona discovered that he had been offering a helping hand to the community without telling anyone. People knocked on the door to pass on their condolences and thank him for his huge generosity.
Before Céilí lost Keith, she was struggling with suicidal thoughts and anxiety caused by postnatal depression.
‘I struggled to believe that I had postnatal depression,’ she says. ‘I had this idea that it meant you didn’t like your baby whereas, for me, it was the opposite.
‘I was completely obsessed with protecting her and I had a lot of intrusive thoughts about family members and friends being predators. I was really paranoid, that got really tough.’
Céilí had her daughter, Willow, through IVF in a long and difficult journey towards conception.
‘After struggling to conceive in the first place, struggling to get her into the world, then to say you’re struggling now was hard because I felt I should be grateful.
‘I know now that you can be grateful for what you have and still be struggling. That might even be what led me to thinking about suicide — I felt I shouldn’t be feeling like that.’
When Céilí confided in a friend about her use of anti-depressants, the friend was ‘absolutely appalled’.
The stigma looming over taking medication was huge and Céilí felt both unable to tell anyone how she was feeling and afraid that she would be a burden if she did.
‘If you had a heart condition, you’d just take the tablets but for some reason antidepressants are seen differently. Keith came off them and I wonder if he’d still be with us if he had continued to take them.’
When she was at her lowest point, Céilí enrolled in a 12-week course with suicide prevention and mental health service Pieta House. Many of the staff had been affected by their own mental health struggles, Céilí says, which contributed to an atmosphere of understanding and empathy.
‘There was no stigma there. The fact that they are actually focused on suicide prevention meant it wasn’t shocking to say the word suicide in those four walls,' she says.
Now, Céilí feels has come full circle. Once she opened up about her experience to qualified counsellors, she felt lighter. But it was a gruelling journey.
Willow is five and a half and the light of Céilí’s life. From the initial terror and fear that hung over her motherhood experience, Céilí says she is really enjoying being a mammy and hopes to have more children.
The latest piece by Little Light is the Glimmer necklace. The delicate golden charm is in the shape of a lighthouse, with cubic zirconia gems decorating the rim. In a move that Céilí committed to in 2022, 100% of the profits from the Glimmer collection will go to Pieta House.
As usual, the piece comes with a heartfelt poem by Céilí, the final lines of which read: ‘Wear this charm, hold it near, a symbol of light, a shield from fear. From darkness into light we stride, with courage, love, and hope inside.’
See littlelight.ie for more.
