Hi Tina, 30 years ago I married a man who was lovely but that I didn't love, there was no sparkle or passion but lots of my friends were getting married and I didn't want to be left on the shelf.
You may feel that was quite mean but my now husband was very keen to marry me and really loved me and still does. We have spent many happy years together and have three lovely children and now grandchildren and life has been very good over the years although as I say, completely lacking passion.
Sometimes if I'm watching a romantic film I long for what I've missed but I know I should be more than happy with the kind, steady man that I married, especially seeing so many of my friends now divorced.
Recently a guy I went to school with contacted me on Facebook. I'd always been mad about him back in our school days, we used to hang out in a crowd and I'd be crushed when I'd see him with one of the other girls. It didn't matter that he was well known as ‘a player', in fact that made him even more attractive.
He's now been divorced twice and I would be very tempted to meet up with him just to see what he's like and to reminisce about the old days. Do you think I'd be playing with fire, should I just leave well alone?
How tantalising, how tempting, how very dangerous!
Now what do you think? The mere fact you're writing to ask me means you know this is forbidden territory and you are hoping I will tell you that no, this is a great idea, it would be lovely to meet up with your old flame after all these years and that only a cup of coffee and a budding friendship can result from it.
Not necessarily so…
Of course we must remember many Facebook profile pictures tell little white lies! At this stage he may be very old and not very attractive at all and you might be utterly horrified having to waste your afternoon with some old fellow with two ex-wives to chat about. What if he fancies you and you don't fancy him and he becomes a problem? After all, you responded to his request and agreed to meet up with him.
How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot and this scenario was taking place with your husband, would you actually be ok with that even though you don't have the hots for him? You might be quite surprised how indispensable and attractive you suddenly find your husband once someone else showed a sexual interest in him.
Most importantly, you were not this guys first choice back all those years ago...or his second, what makes you think all these years later he has suddenly seen the light?
Of course, it is possible he has no romantic interest in you at all, that he just came across your profile on Facebook and wants to reminisce about the old days and pick your brains about whether you are still in touch with Gillian with the big boobs who sat in the back row and who he really wants to contact!
You have children and grandchildren whom you love even if you don't have passion for your husband. Most marriages 30 years on are over all that youthful passion and have settled into something quite different but, in a lot of ways, more structured and peaceful. If you've both lasted the course this far, what a pity to throw it all away on a whim.
After all, let's face it, this guy doesn't have a good track record having been divorced twice.
I can't help but feel at the end of the day you would live to regret it but then, that is your decision alone. Good luck.
